Verily a bit lost...

 

My dearest Sunshine,

    It has been a fair while since I have written to you. A lot has happened this past month. So much has changed. As we reach the end of this year, I cannot help but be filled by a sense of peace but also loneliness. I have won some, I have lost some but the journey has certainly been rewarding. Took my wins alone, swallowed my losses by myself and hey I did survive. It was a year filled with lessons on adulthood, friendship, responsibilities and growth. I have also realized I have become Carrie Bradshaw in the past weeks, where I relate to her on so many levels. Be it the writing or the incessant love for shoes and getting stuck in cycles of emotional unavailability and wasting my time. Work has been rewarding in a way that drives my ambition.

Things I have taken away from these past months include:

1.    You are too much for someone. You are also just enough for someone else. You will not be enough for another person. Don’t get caught up with how other people feel about you. You are you, don’t alter yourself to fit another person’s perception.

2.    Real friends stay. No matter what they show up, when you need them, with a berry fizz, butter chicken and chicken kotthu. A lot is shared over coffee, overpriced tropicana and milkshakes. Auto rides become better, 3-minute phone calls really save the day.

3.  Life is all about learning. Everything you experience is a lesson that may be helpful somewhere else, a cab ride and a very insightful conversation with the driver opened my eyes to the things I have been missing out on. Once you feel like you are drowning, you really are. You need to force yourself out of your comfort zone to really get a whiff of the world.

4.   Never loose the essence that makes you, you. Win alone loose alone life goes on. Time is too fast these days so don’t forget to stay grounded and secure. Do not waste time on relationships that consume time and money, don’t overlook the red flags, don’t hand out chances for potential. Rather preserve your energy for yourself.

5.    Family will be there, no matter what. This family is honestly what you consider as family sunshine.

    This year flew by in a few minutes. I feel like I have lived a few lifetimes as this year ends, so much has changed, so much growth, so many experiences to learn from and habits to unlearn. I have wasted a significant amount of time wondering what is wrong with me, what is right with me, on null set relationships and immature clowns. But my 20’s will hopefully be so much more than that. As 2025 dawns on us, I look forward to breaking a few glass ceilings and re doing cycles. I am hopeful that the new year will bring us closer together, in a bond that will be nurturing, loving and peaceful.

          Spend time with family. Time is too short for you to hold onto grudges and mistakes. Repair that friendship. If it is really worth your time and effort that is. Writing these days has become a bit harder than usual. I have gotten stuck into this cycle of monotony that is manged to suck away the joys of life. But sometimes taking a new route to work helps. So does trying new things, learning new words and watching a new movie. Catch up with life on your own time, no matter how short.

    I love you my dearest Sunshine, I cannot wait for the day I can be with you and squish you. Till then, I will keep myself busy with the intricacies of life, between chai breaks and Twix bars and listening to an unhealthy amount of Christmas music. 

Lots of love

-xoxo

Jess