XOXO - Jess

The Latest Chapter

Well I’m back. Let’s get into this fools charade shall we? 

It has been a while since I have written to you. Apologies are in order. I've taken a break from working.     It has been a bit of a wild ride since then. A few months back I realized I needed a change. Clueless as to what that change would have to be, I started to analyze every aspect of my life. My job, though fulfilling, also left a bit of a void in me, kind of like Sisyphus. you do the same things, the same route to work the same walls, the same hurdles. An infinite loop, but you slowly realize it's not a loop. but a maze. A meandering maze that drives you mad with the same doors and puzzles. Life is hard but honestly it does not have to be so dead end. Go out.. Live a little. Life is too short for you to succumb to it. 

    Money is essential, yet when you die, you cannot take an ounce of it. We are all ashes and dust at the end of the day. I sound morbid, I know, but it is the truth. Life has been a bit of a whirlwind, I have given into my own loops of hell multiple times just because it feels comfortable and easy. I am used to it, what more do I want? Yet it is that same comfort that will suffocate you, like a frog in hot water. the things i have learnt in these two years, the lessons i have carried mean a lot. A person may seem so normal, friendly, loving only for a mask of deceit that hides hatred. Mentors may not be as they seem and everything is a façade. In all honesty I am not pointing fingers. I am merely writing from experience. Trying to be innocent in this malevolent world is tough. It wears you down to the bone, but I would encourage you Sunshine to persevere. Look beyond the mask, once you start noticing how cracked and hurt people are, suddenly their story becomes more plausible, though that does not give them any reason to project that onto you. Optimism is key in certain aspects. Rationalization helps even out the rest. Emotions give you great perspective, don’t be ruled by them. 

    The past 2 years have taught me so much. I’ve learnt to be in complete peace and harmony by myself. The silence does not bother me anymore, it's comforting. Take your wins alone, face your losses by yourself, pat yourself on the back and move on, if you fall down, get up, dust yourself and carry on. Every single person you meet is on a mission to live their life, do not be bothered if they do not pay attention to you. If they wanted to, they would. 

    Returning to my regularly scheduled nonsense, this has taken me a good few weeks to narrow down and write and I am going to be a bit all over, sharing bits and pieces of things I have learned, felt and experienced. I have had a few run-ins with mutual attraction that stopped at a very surface level. At some point you realize it just is not worth it anymore. If it happens it happens. till then just pursue cash, peace and your bucket list. A stable career, a steady bank balance, a well fixed routine will give you a lot more structure and strength in the long run, so does love. I am contradicting myself. I know, I cannot help myself sometimes. Living a stoic structured life is great, till you drown in the monotony or have a crash out. Habits are great, especially the beneficial ones. Do not barter those for the softness of your heart. No matter how strong you are, it will take a very small thing to make you go poof i.e. David Vs. Goliath duh.

    Anyway like I was saying, mind your own business but also water some flowers, touch grass, walk into the ocean with all your clothes on for dramatic effect? jump on the bed, dance around and laugh to your heart’s content. Time is running out, you cannot slow it down, you cannot catch it, enjoy while you can and if you have some left, look at the person next to you and show some love to them as well. NOT IN A CREEPY WAY! in a nice way. NO that sounds wrong too. Just be nice okay? The world is already a crappy place; we do not need more gas. Take your blinders off and look at the bigger picture. None of what you have now will matter in a week if there is another pandemic or war. LITERALLY. Choose yourself, your faith, your family, your friends. Nurture your beliefs, water them, feed them, find your voice and use it for good. At least that's what I am trying to do through this. 

    Anyway Sunshine, I have honestly missed talking to you. I promise I will do this more often from now on. I have missed you dearly. I hope to meet you soon.

Until then,

XOXO

Jess