Safe?

 

My dearest Sunshine

Welcome to my 20^th letter. Thank you for sticking to this journey of mine and for reading every letter I have written to you. I am filled with gratitude for all the time you have spent listening to my rant, and I am now sending you a hug that you can catch over the web as a token of love.

Today’s letter is coming from a place of deep hurt and anguish as a woman. I write from a place of privilege. A place where I grew up protected and sheltered to the evils of the world and I thank God Almighty for that protection. Only women can relate to the carnal fear that seeps through our veins when we are a bit delayed at work and we may end up going home late. Only women can relate to the shivers that go down our spine when a bike gets too close to us in public. Only women can relate to adjusting the dress that we wear a everyday a 101 times to make sure that nothing is revealing in case we are ‘asking for it’. Only women can relate to the discomfort of taking public transport to and from work. Only women can relate to constantly looking over their shoulder in broad daylight, in a workplace, in the middle of the road, in traffic, in a dressing room, at a café, at a restaurant, at a restroom. Only women can relate to walking in clusters in the road to protect each other, only women can relate to carrying a pepper spray and a pocket knife, only women can relate to being in constant limelight where even their own family will inevitably blame them for a crime they never did.

Every woman you know has been affected in some way. It could have been a stranger, a family member, a well-wisher. Every. Single. Woman. You. Know. Society loves to put the blame on everyone but itself. We were raised in a society that so disproportionately fused together traditions and modern values; it renders its ineffectiveness on a daily basis. But I cannot just blame the system or just the perpetrator. Both of them go hand in hand. We have a system that sustains enablers and perpetrators, the same system burns the victims at stake calling into question their entire life. The same system that screams unity, humanity, equality, fails. It fails to see the victims it has dragged along the way. Our system was built in such a way that only a particular part of society can access it and that access has been limited to gender, caste, religion and community.

          Perpetrators. Its not all men, but it is a man. You can blame the alcohol, the drugs, the stress, but when rape is not considered a capital punishment because of ‘Human Rights’ that just goes to show that we live in a country where women are not considered human. I have a few reasons for this theory. Number one, our efficiently fused society still holds onto its rigorous traditional ways, of those ways there are morals and values that society has outlined for women. Women of different religions, castes and communities are all given these outlines at birth by the women in their lives and this outline is not something you have a choice to follow but something that is shoved down your throat. This same set of outlines are spoon fed to the male children, youth and men. When the men meet women who do not fit into these outlines that were thrust upon them, men instantly loose respect and dehumanize these women to terms like ‘bitch’, ‘slut’, ‘whore’, etc, etc.

Number two. People say educate your men. At home you control the flow of knowledge and wisdom that you get to input into those young minds. But they are still susceptible to change. In a society, where globally too every single thing is dictated by MAN, a strong educational foundation is something that is the need of the hour, and by education I do not mean just school, but a holistic learning process.

Finally, rape is considered a teaching method for most men. If you want a woman to be quiet you rape her. You ‘put her in her place’ thereby assert dominance by removing the woman’s right and autonomy to her own body. Its an act of ownership and submission. Hence it is not a crime.

To every man who has said NOT ALL MEN, you are no saint, you are not to be held at a higher standard for choosing not to rape, you are not to be given an award for not committing a crime. I hope every guy understands that rape is not something that is just a physical act of dominance. It is the small things that you do. You coercing a girl you met on the internet to send you lewd snapshots of herself, you sweet talking a girl into going out on a date with you. You crying out about the lack of masculinity and believing that true testosterone comes from throwing weights at the gym and growing your muscles. You believing that you are entitled to a girl just because she flirts with you. You believing that you get to control different aspects of your partners life. All of it is a form of rape. The truth may sound harsh and uncalled for, but trust me it starts small. It starts with the way you look at someone and the way you talk. I hope you are comfortable with sharing all the lewd conversations you have online with your mother that has high hopes, I hope you are 'Man' enough to show screenshots of all the insults you hurl at a girl that has said no. I hope you can explain to your father, grandmother and the rest of your family how after a girl says NO you start negotiating for other things. I hope and pray that your silence is rewarded rightly. 

Dear men, stop dehumanizing us. I will never tell you to look at me the same way you look at your mother or sister. I am only human after all. There are only 2 types of us. Man and Woman. Accept and make peace with those differences. We are but equal. I am sorry that your mother gave you a false sense of entitlement for you to feel that way. I am sorry that you have your mother and sister and aunts to do your every bidding. I am sorry that society is built in such a way that you can escape your crimes. I am sorry that you don’t have to live in constant fear of being raped or sodomized. Yet your biggest fear is ‘false accusation’ that could ‘potentially’ ruin your life. But hey, rape is not that bad right??? I feel for the lot of you. Every guy that says NOT ALL MEN, I really hope your own daughter meets a guy like you. Even then you would find a way to blame her and not your own brethren.

Dear Sisters who are fighting for justice, you have my prayers, allegiance and support. It starts as acts of micro feminism in your own home, start small with the minute things. Look to your mother, share that spirit that burns in you. Light that spark in her heart, shed light on all the pain and sacrifices she has been through. Be warned you may look at your father in another light that may not be as appealing. But that is the harsh truth. Here is to a new dawn. A sunrise where we are treated as equals, a society where justice is served and not delayed. To every woman that has been raped, groped, assaulted, bullied, shamed, insulted, disrespected, I promise a new dawn filled with hope and light. We rewrote constitutions, we marched for our freedom, we fought for justice and equality and we will continue to do so in our own small ways.

                               

 Side note to you Sunshine, I miss you. Meet me soon.

-         XOXO

Jess.