Memorabilia, Monotony and Muses

 

Hello my Sunshine!

Its been 2 weeks, I know, I know I’m late. I apologize I hope you are doing well. How has life been treating you? Has the summer heat been annoying? Do drink a lot of water, if you get mangoes, do send some for me.

          These past few weeks have been me, learning and unlearning mistakes. I turned 23! That was exciting, but I also realized the true beauty of being at peace with yourself. In conversations, at lunches, at work. The true value of silence goes above and beyond. This year’s birthday was super special, I got the best of flowers, hugs, chocolates and the most expensive of all, time. These past few months have just been me figuring stuff out, working on myself and trying to put myself into a situation that would push me to be a better version of myself. Of late I have had the privilege and the misfortune of meeting quite a few interesting people, and they have let’s just say, left interesting memories for me to digest.

          What will today’s blog post be about? The everything and the nothing. As I sit at my writing table, nibbling on the leftover birthday chocolate, nursing the sore throat I got from all the screaming I did at work, I can’t help but wonder about the simplicity of life. An impromptu ice cream date, the joy of spending time in the company of friends, running through the waves at the beach, feeling like I’m 12 again. Tugging on a beautiful necklace I got from a distant friend, and the warm hugs I got to give you today my Sunshine, all of it fills me with joy.

          The joy of simplicity, the ideology of happiness and the bond of friendship. All these things make me really feel at peace with myself. The simple gesture of rubbing your own scalp after a long day, brushing through your hair. The beauty of vivid summer sunsets, the sound of mundane traffic. All of it, reeks with monotony, but embraces me with comfort.

I do have to ask you Sunshine, how do you deal with people who you can’t let go? Like, you know they are not good for you, they are harmful, but somewhere deep down you feel, oh maybe just maybe I could fix this person? Is it just me? Or do a lot of people feel that way these days? In an era where people run at the first sight of sparks, communication, great energy to moult in their tiny shells, why do I find myself, persisting to be this person who can fix everything around her to be in absolute control. Sometimes I feel the only way I can control a situation is by being on top of it. All the time. Making sure that there is not one slip up. I am constantly in a stage where all I want to do is to be at peace.

This has led me to take lunches by myself, enjoy quiet walks, silent mornings and longer routes back home. Though there are days where all I want to do is fling myself into a pattern of familiarity, I have decided to put myself through being uncomfortable. The more icked out you get, the better you are at being yourself. You learn to thrive. Not just exist. But thrive. A lot of people misunderstand the word thrive. I personally think, thriving is such a beautiful thing to say. Guess what, today I did something I have always wanted to do, or guess what, I finally spoke to this person, I took that step, I fought my own battles to be here, I did it. I took that first step. I look that leap of faith. Though I may not reap rewards now, and though I may fall, bruise myself, break a bone, bleed some blood. At the end of the day, I did it for me, and that is all that matters.

-         Love

      Jess