Jokes, Jester & Jess

 

My warmest Sunshine!

How are you? How is your weekend? Are you all set for the last week of February?! Yes, it’s the end of February already time flies when you are not having fun. Just kidding, or am I?

The month of February started off great. It was amazing, filled with professional milestones, new joys, chocolates. Then came shark week, which we will ignore, and then progressed towards this year’s by far the saddest week ever. I realized the true power of being lonely. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being alone, by myself in my space away from people. At the same time, I yearn to be connected. I know that makes no sense what so ever. But I ended up crying, at a red light, after seeing a cute couple in a car *record screeching noise*

            Well, I realized that is life. Be happy for the ones who have it, work towards it if you want it. Or melt into your couch and vanish from existence. People think love is hard. Being in love and a relationship is hard. Has no one ever found how hard it is to love yourself?! To find all your flaws, look at them and make peace with them? Why doesn’t anyone talk about how painful healing is. To build a wall of confidence over and over and over again? In my humble defense I should have used bricks and cement, instead I chose to use hay and sticks, gosh why couldn’t I have learned from the 2 piggies?

            A lot of questions I know. The past few weeks has seen me make friends with my bathroom floor, demolish a burger, indulge in average and stale sev puri and share a lot of fun laughs with some really good company. Documenting healing is hard. A vice I have is I dislike brushing my teeth after a long day, but my healing is brushing my teeth. I know! I saw what I typed. Don’t judge me. You wouldn’t understand your mechanical minotaur! In hindsight I just got to finishing Percy Jackson and the Olympians and I have been transported back to high school to re-read all the books again.

            Back to healing, blah blah blah I figured why I hate the healing part. That is because you have to stay still. In silence. With. Your. Self! I mean! Why would I want to do that? I can barely keep up with the voices in my head and the numerous thoughts that spin around around and around in vicious cycles of circles that put me in never ending spirals in the dark of night while I wake up sneezing from the dust in my curtains. 

(This part is meant to be read super-fast btw only then does my rant make sense okay? Now back to regular scripted chaos)  

            It is not fun to watch the people you like grow and mature with other people, it feels very lonely. Like your roots are reaching out but they cannot go further because of the rocks or because the other trees don’t just want to get entangled with you. (I’m not talking about trees here okay) But that is the fun thing. Being a lonely tree, fighting the rocks, becoming more ominous and finally being a shelter for the all the bugs that pick at your fruit. I know I don’t make sense again. But metaphorically maybe someday you will understand. As my friends from Voltage B said in their new song, ‘Ovvoru ponnukum ovvoru feeling machi’ and this girl is feeling only funny. 

Be your own jester, fall in love with your flaws, make fun of your stutter, giggle at your mistakes, hold your body, feel it, talk to it with words you want others to speak to you. Be kind to yourself, smile wider in those pictures, have your dessert, and also have the grapes your mum packed for you, enjoy the sun on your skin. But don’t forget UV protection, okay?

Here is to another month ending, and a new one starting, I hope you find joy, love and kindness in the small things and take on the new month with the same gusto that brought you into this new year!

 

Lots of love, hugs, chocolate, and really bad dad jokes,

Jess

PS: Here is the link to my song my friend's made 'Ovvoru Ponnukum'