Coaxing, courage and a whole lot of confusion


My dearest Sunbeam,

Hey, how are you? How was your week? A bit better?

My week was filled with a bit more downs than ups. I’m hoping it was just a rough week and not a rough patch that I have to power through. I’ve binged watched Women’s Murder Club on YouTube, again but mostly because sometimes work gets quiet and I don’t have that spirit of confrontation in me yet to go and face the voices in my head.

Last time I wrote to you, I spoke about how hard it is for me to set boundaries. Every time I do take a step towards mending my mental health, my poor choices show up to guilt me back into back tracking. But somehow Sunshine, talking to you has been one of the few things that keeps me sane.

I look forward to keeping meaningful relationships afloat. Sometimes that takes a lot more strength, courage, coaxing and memes. After joining work, I do feel like a fish out of water. Finding common ground with people who aren’t remotely close to what you do is a tad more on the arduous side than I had initially imagined. Though I do feel like moving on and quitting, perseverance is something I would like to hold onto.

Moving forward, karma has been boomeranging a bit harder than usual this week, but that hasn’t deterred my spirit. Well not yet. I’ve also come to appreciate the casual joy of friendships. They do show up in the most unconventional forms and I have decided to savor them. Safe to say I do miss my girls. Running to them after a long day, venting my heart out, feeling emotionally heard and validated. I miss being hugged, pulled into warm hugs, laughing till tears flood my eyes and peals of laughter erupt.

Growing old does not prepare you to move away from your friends. A little side note to my girls, I love you all so much, from the bottom of my heart and I honestly just miss the sunshine you guys are on my stormy days.

Back to you my Sunshine, I have got a new book for you to read. I hope I get to give it to you soon. It’s a long ahead of us and I hope you made plans to fully rest, rejuvenate and relax.

 

Yours lovingly

Peanutbutter & Jess

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